In the year 2046, the UK has no longer a Queen nor a Royal Family. In comes the American First Lady, blunt and provocative. Howie Pond is to be her presidential spokesman but when her chihuahuas go missing he will have to investigate.. but does he want to, as a cat lover?
London, 2046. The British Republic has a new First Lady. She’s Californian, ‘in-your-face, for sure’ and she’s got big plans for a Buckingham Palace refurb. When her three Chihuahuas go missing, one man is determined to avoid getting dragged into it all. His name is Pond. Howie Pond – presidential spokesperson, retired secret agent and cat lover. Meanwhile, Howie’s wife Britt is handed her first assignment as a National Security and Intelligence Service rookie – to solve the mystery of the missing canine trio. Will Howie manage to slope off to the pub before he can be roped in to help? Will Britt unmask the dognapper and grab the glory? Find out, in the latest, crazy comedy-thriller from dog-loving British author Paul Mathews.
We have lost the Chihuahuas – Paul Mathews
*Extract Chapter 1*
When it came to household pets, Howie had always been more of a cat, than a dog, type of guy. And as he stood shivering in the cold January air of London’s St James’ Park, watching a Chihuahua sinking his teeth into his chief press officer’s right ankle, he was pretty sure his views on the subject wouldn’t be changing anytime soon.
‘Argh! Get off me, you four-legged eejit!’ screamed Conor O’Brean, yanking the dog’s lead so hard, it lifted off the ground and flew a metre in the air before its paws touched terra firma again.
Rather than risk his own ankles, Howie decided to beat a strategic retreat in the way that senior commanders often did on the battlefield when things weren’t quite going to plan. Yes. He had full confidence in the Irishman under his command. Howie would allow him to regain control of the situation without his senior officer – who had no experience of hand-to-hand Chihuahua combat – getting in the way of the human-canine skirmish.
*A Day in the Life of Howie Pond*
All you wanted to know about the book’s main character, Howie Pond, and what he gets up to on a ‘normal’ day.
| Where does Howie go?
On a working day, Howie is supposed to be running the British Republic’s media machine from Government HQ in the Buckingham Palace press office. However, you’re more likely to find him hunting for doughnuts in the canteen, sloping off to the Two Chairmen pub for an early, pie-and-a-pint lunch, or, when something goes missing, running around London desperately trying to find it.
At the end of the day, he returns to his Battersea pod, where his cat Indie-Day will be waiting for a cuddle and a fresh bowl of food.
| What does Howie do?
As well as running the Government’s central press office, Howie is the official spokesman for half-witted British President Zayn Winner – a former actor turned politician whose political nous is even worse than his acting.
Up until recently, Howie was a part-time secret agent but his contract has now expired – and he’s more than happy about it, because it was a lot harder than James Bond made it look. However, his wife Britt has taken up the baton and is now training to be the new 007 with the National Security and Intelligence Service.
| Who is Howie with?
When Howie is not at home with Britt and his cat, he has to run around after the president, as well as the eccentric bunch of ever-so-slightly-crazy vice presidents based at the palace. If he gets the opportunity, he’ll meet up with his best friend Freddie English – London’s chief of police and an aspiring vice president. In the latest novel, he also bumps into a few Chihuahua owners. Some nicer than others!
| What does Howie think? Feel?
A lot of the time, Howie thinks about sausages, doughnuts, hot dogs and coffee – with occasional breaks to contemplate his hundreds of unread e-comms, work crises and the daily problems that the universe seems to serve up to him. He often tries to wish himself into another dimension. So far, this hasn’t worked. But he’s not giving up just yet.
| Why is Howie doing whatever it is he is doing?
Howie isn’t quite sure. Maybe one day he’ll work it all out.
About the Author
Paul Mathews is a quite funny British guy who’s managed to escape his day job and is currently on the run as a comedy novelist. His sharp, satirical – often surreal – sense of humour draws on 20 years as a British Government press officer, during which time he encountered politicians, senior civil servants, HR managers, and lots of other people who really sucked at their jobs. His popular ‘We Have Lost’ comedy-thriller series set in 2040s London, starring beleaguered presidential spokesman and wannabe secret agent Howie Pond, currently comprises four titles with more on the way. Paul has read all the books at least ten times and highly recommends them. Make him happy by signing up for his ‘Very Funny Newsletter’ here: www.quitefunnyguy.com/newsletter. If you don’t want to sign up for it, stay calm and do nothing.
Paul also owns a cat, Lulu, who works as his assistant. All fan mail to her, please.
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